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Correspondence from Betty May to David Garnett*
Smallbrook Cottage Thursley Godalming Surrey 025 122 2148
Dec 15th 72
Dearest Bunny,
This is exactly what I didn't mean to do. Write to you at Christmas. For at least 3 months I have had things whirling round in my hand to say to you, & never got a word on paper because frankly, I have been pretty bloody miserable for a long time. I lost my great friend Raymond Johnes on Sept 3, when I was staying in Malta. I had been visiting him in hospital at Ealing since March except for my [illegible] let up, & when he really died (which was the best thing for him really), I found myself quite unexpectedly affected. You are so much braver than I am Bunny. I can't bear my friends & relations just going—going away forever— Few people of whom I were dearest intimates, & all the other close friends, have died in 10 months, & I find this terribly hard to bear. It comes to us all I know & I am ashamed of being so feeble in facing it. But as I have always depended tremendously on affectionate friendship (not necessarily sexual) you will appreciate the blank, the pointlessness & utter lack of close human contact & dependence that old age is now facing me with. I hate having no one to care for or to love me—I am sure you will understand all this more than anybody, & you must forgive my maundering ramble—But I have not written before because I just couldn't evoke a carefree & superficial atmosphere—And even now I express myself very badly.
Anyhow I am cruising in calmer waters at the moment. I am awfully sorry we had such a short encounter this year—One luncheon only, on a day when I was quite definitely feeling "below par"—but old friends are old friends, & dying off so fast, let us hope I can follow your wonderful example—Go on working at something, always having plans, lovers, a wine cellar etc. etc. I know your recipe is the right one—I hope you will have some of your remarkable family out to stay with you for Xmas—I don't think [illegible] will be up to much gay hospitality after her 3 weeks of "suffer" (her spelling.) Though the [illegible] are always game for any festivity. It will be very quiet here—I have 2 very elderly friends joining me in Turkey & plum pud[?] (I made I made some [illegible] after about 10 years [illegible]!)—I am going to Rhodena[?] on Jan 9th for 6 weeks to see my *very first love (! was 14!) for the 3rd time—One may as well snatch at any joy when 75—I feel awfully old, Bunny—But very well, & very fond of you my dear—
Betty
* I brought him to see you last year (71) Edmund Pierce.
* David Garnett (1892–1981) was an author and wrote eleven novels as well as his autobiography; he edited the letters of T.E. Lawrence and the novels of Thomas Love Peacock. He and Francis Birrell started a bookshop; he helped found the Nonesuch Press and the publishing firm of Rupert Hart-Davis.
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