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Charles Stansfeld Jones Diary Entry Sunday, 7 May 1911
I have not made an entry in this record for a whole week. I seem to be losing control, and my diary, lying untouched in my drawer, is becoming like a horrible fiend. It worries me when I do not enter it; and yet it requires a great effort even to touch it or take it out, while to enter it daily appears an almost superhuman task. Why is this? I have done exercises this week as usual, but a little earlier than previously, because I have to be at the office by 8:30 A.M. instead of nine o’c. as heretofore.
I think Fra. P.A. might write to me. I feel that he is testing me, and have tried to hold to that idea. I know that really it does not matter, but I am weak yet, and should so like a little friendly push and a few words of advice. I feel like dropping it all for a time; but that is perhaps the very thing that is so difficult, in fact, the whole trick!
O dear, I am certainly having a spell of “dryness.” But I will plod on, On, ON, and in, In, IN. O for one kiss, or the echo of a Kiss, My Lord Adonai. I yearn for Thee, I am Parched for Thee. Let me be utterly consumed in Thee! Amen.
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